I was chatting with a friend the other day. She was on her own, in an isolated little cabin, snow falling quietly outside, and I was asking her about the solitude and what it's revealed, if anything at all. She’s one of those awesomely-curious humans that’s always seeking to fully understand everyone and everything. I love that about her. We chatted about the Year of the Fire Horse and what it would bring for us (if you don’t know, look that one up).
At one point she said, “What’s your word for the year, Laura?” It’s a small ritual we return to now and then, choosing a word or phrase as a touch point to guide us. Her word for the year was Momentum.
Last year, my word was Expansion. And holy moly, it delivered. In ways I never could have planned. I finished my book, RETREAT, started navigated the publishing process, found new ways to offer retreats, produced my Gathering Light card deck, and made room for some exciting new partnerships.
E X P A N S I O N. ✔
"I don’t know. My word hasn’t quite landed yet", I told my friend. I’ve been too busy, I guess.
But now, as I reflect on the year behind me and the one unfolding now, one word keeps rising up. Discomfort. And not in the way you might expect.
Last year was one of the most uncomfortable years of my life. And at the same time, it was one of the most empowering and liberating, with the kind of exhilaration that comes from stepping into new territory without a map. New collaborations, new expectations, new projects, layers and old systems shed, and new versions of myself emerging that’d been too timid to show up before. And believe me, none of it felt graceful at the time. That’s the part I want to talk about. It was messy.
There was no certainty, just a series of small, super imperfect steps taken while feeling completely naked. Expansion wasn’t pretty and it was a whole lot of uncomfortable. And it all began by admitting a belief I’d been carrying for a long time, that a certain kind of discomfort meant I was doing something wrong—that if something felt impossible, awkward, or too complicated, it was a sign to avoid, to wait.
I took a deep breath (or ten) and shed light on some outdated, limiting patterns that had done their job. They had kept me good and safe, but were now holding me back. In order to expand, I had to take a good long look at what I was resisting and ask myself, "why? What are you afraid of?” There was some heavy lifting there, I can assure you.
I realized that I could use discomfort as my guide—signalling that I was right where I was meant to be. And when things got really nerve-racking, my trusty inner voice would speak up, “it’s all going to be ok. One step at a time. Everything is figureoutable, Laura.” Thank God for her.
I learned that not having a fkn clue is ok. Maybe even better than ok. So is searching for answers and second-guessing and rewriting, and rewriting again. There were long forest walks where I talked myself in and out of decisions. Early mornings with lists, and then crossing things out. In-depth, repeated conversations with family, best friends and mentors (thank God for them too). I had to be willing to have tough conversations I didn’t yet have language for, ask the awkward questions, and make some very tough choices.
We all love the idea of being ready. We tell ourselves we’ll begin once we feel more certain, more confident, more prepared. As if courage arrives first and action follows neatly behind. In my experience, it’s almost always the other way around.
Comfort is lovely and cozy but it’s so bloody limiting. Our work stays safe, and so do our lives. Discomfort, on the other hand, reveals what matters, and for me, it was my green light.
So, DISCOMFORT is my word. And it will continue to be my launching pad.
Love, Laura. xo
Ps. If you’re standing at the edge of something right now, and everything feels too much, you don’t have to leap. Just take the next small step. One step at a time. Everything is figureoutable.
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